I received an e-mail from someone who was quite disturbed about her husband’s participation in the online community that I manage. She was essentially accusing me of destroying her marriage. It was a bit disheartening, and I immediately felt for her, once I got over the sheer shock of the claim.
But, I spoke to a few people about it and I know that I cannot bear the blame for everything that takes place in this community. If you’re a community manager, neither can you. But instead of writing about it, I will share it with you, unedited.
Brace yourself:
I dont know who is over this sight but just to let you know that it has distoryed my marriage. Some of your people talk so dirty to each other and my husband got hooked and then met people at the get together and that lead to meeting this women out and having sex with I thought this was just A news talk chat room not where people are trying to hook up with married men or women it started out just talking until the started with the sex comments. Now my family are at risk of all kinds of things all due to this web sight. I have 2 children that has got to go threw this. My husband thought it would be safe cause it was a news chat not like my space I know if you go on and read all this you would have to see how wrong it is. your web sight is turning people family upside down. I hope with my contacting you will do something about this before it distroys other familys
like mine.
Now keep in mind that this is an online community and we do allow users to take their profiles private, so I am sure that some private conversations take place. But it certainly is not a chat room for people on the prowl.
What do you think about this? Am I tearing this woman’s family apart?
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6 comments
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October 8, 2008 at 7:51 pm
quirkyknitgirl
Wow. It takes some kind of special to blame a website for destroying your marriage. Honestly? It sounds like there are problems in this woman’s marriage that she doesn’t want to face so she’ll blame anybody else, but still. People are responsible for their own actions, and the idea that a community has that kind of power is insane. If he hadn’t found someone online to cheat with, he’d have found someone at a bar. The internet is great, but it does not have that much power.
October 8, 2008 at 8:11 pm
Gary Hunt
Angela, you’re not to blame any more than, say, the owner of a coffee shop would be if that was where they met. The internet can be used to meet people, and you can use it to meet more people faster than in the “real world.” But it doesn’t have any magic pixie dust to it that makes people do things they never would otherwise do in the real world.
My heart goes out to this woman. But her marriage isn’t at risk because of any web site, it’s because her husband chose to cheat. She needs to leave you alone and deal with the real issues.
October 8, 2008 at 9:57 pm
Toby
I’m with Gary and QuirkyKnitGirl here. It sounds like there are other factors at play here that the woman isn’t admitting to. The coffee shop analogy applies.
October 9, 2008 at 3:45 pm
Janet Clarey
I agree with all the comments about. Perhaps she should read this article on why men cheat. Online community membership is not one of them…
Besides sex — other reasons men cheat
June 14, 2009 at 11:48 pm
8 idées pour bien démarrer la semaine | Manager une communauté
[...] Une communauté peut-elle détruire votre mariage ? http://blog.angelaconnor.com/2008/10/08/can-an-online-community-destroy-a-marriage/ [...]
September 2, 2009 at 11:26 am
Kate
Communities – it’s just the last drop. It’s not the reason of marriage failure, it’s a catalyzer. How people dont understand it…especially woman. They like to blame everything around but them. Eh, that’s sad.