This is the question I wanted to ask the woman who called asking me to remove a comment, actually several comments, she’d posted on a news story.
Wait, let me be honest and tell you that after a ten minute conversation I did ask her that question. And her answer, though lame, is a common answer provided by those who experience commenter’s remorse and go to great lengths to find the person who can actually remove them - ME. First they email, then they call. The call comes first if the comment is particularly troublesome.
The woman I’m talking about in this instance said she was caught up in the moment and couldn’t help herself. Yes, go back and read that sentence again. She couldn’t help herself from posting a comment that could possibly jeopardize her job. She’d posted some telling information on a crime story about the suspect, and guess what? She had that information because she works at the hospital where he was treated.
Some common sense in this situation would have gone a long way.
It would not have taken Nancy Drew to solve that case had it become an issue or if it leaked that the information was on the site.
Since this woman was nearly in tears, I removed all four of the comments, but not before encouraging her to be more careful and making her understand that it was a complete courtesy on my part because it is not our policy to remove comments and we are not obligated to honor her request.
But in this economy, I don’t want to see anyone lose their job and if I could do my part by removing four comments, so be it.
But just when I thought she understood my message and would take heed, she asked me to ban her account completely because she couldn’t be sure she wouldn’t do it again.
I was floored.
Can we get a little self-control with that common sense?
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21 comments
Comments feed for this article
September 20, 2009 at 4:57 pm
Michelle
Wow… I was with you up until the end. I’ve posted things now and then that I’ve regretted. Nothing so bad they’d get me fired but I’ve said things that were more hurtful than I should have and felt bad. So I can sympathize that you don’t always think before hitting that button.
But having to be banned to stop yourself? That’s just… wow… LOL!
Michelle
September 20, 2009 at 5:11 pm
Martin Reed
It sounds crazy, but I have had people email me in the past asking me to block their access to one of my communities because they felt they were spending too much time there and it was negatively affecting their personal and social life.
On one hand, perhaps it’s flattering that your community makes people unable to resist contributing – on the other hand, as you have shared with us, there are downsides to this as well.
I think you acted in the right way – I agree that removing posts at the request of the poster is a courtesy; I’d be wary of making it policy.
September 21, 2009 at 6:48 am
Bryan Person
Lack of self-control, huh. I’ve had this happen once or twice in the past, too. But asking for an outright ban takes the cake! Really, what’s to stop this new user from creating a new account and starting the vicious cycle all over again?
Well handled here, Angela. Thanks for sharing!
Bryan |@ BryanPerson
September 21, 2009 at 11:34 am
Rosemary O'Neill
You are not alone in this dilemma! We have dealt with numerous folks like this on one of the larger communities we manage. Usually it is attributed to drunken posting (sorry Charlie), but we also get the “I couldn’t control myself” quite a bit. And we have had several people request to be “deregistered” (we never had a word for that before, because it was so weird) because of that problem.
We generally do not remove comments at the user’s request unless there are extreme circumstances, and I probably would have followed your same course of action because of the potential legal nightmare.
I love the way you get to the nitty-gritty here
Blogs that talk in generalities all the time are so not useful.
September 21, 2009 at 1:33 pm
Angela Connor
Glad you agree Martin. I had the issue you mentioned earlier this summer. One active member called me and said his wife told him he was getting too involved and spending way too much time on the site and asked if iIwould help him take a break by deactivating his account. Thanks for the comment. Love getting your take on things.
September 21, 2009 at 1:36 pm
Angela Connor
Rosemary! So you have the drunk poster issue too, eh? I guess it’s not uncommon at all. Who knew?? I’ve had members tell me about one guy who often blogs drunk and he even told me that he lost his drivers license to a DUI. This lack of control is something else. Perhaps we should contact Pfizer and see if they can whip up an anti-community pill that helps them keep the urge to a minimum.
Maybe you and I can get together and craft some sort of 12-step program. Thanks for the compliment. Glad you enjoy my nitty-gritty nature.
September 21, 2009 at 9:52 pm
BWD: Blogging While Drunk « Online Community Strategist
[...] 21, 2009 in blogging If you missed my last post, “Why did you post that comment?” about a woman with commenter’s remorse who asked me to ban her account so that she [...]
September 24, 2009 at 8:25 am
Michelle
I just had a user trash all his posts on my site and I thought about this post and wondered why the user had to contact you. Does GOLO have a policy of not allowing people to edit their posts? If so, how did the users take that? Did you have people complain that it’s their content and they should be able to do what they want with it?
The current version of the software I use doesn’t let me turn off the edit ability but I will have more control in a couple weeks when I upgrade. I’m considering giving edit perms only to users that have been a while and are trusted. On the other hand, users that have been around a while could do far more damage if they turn on me. Or maybe I’m just being paranoid. This new guy started out so nice and was posting a lot and I thought it was great and then he suddenly turned on me so I’m rather shook up.
Michelle
September 24, 2009 at 1:25 pm
Angela Connor
Hi Michelle: In my community, we allow people to delete comments on content they create ONLY. They can delete their own posts and others. But if you are posting elsewhere, you cannot delete. And we only added this feature after we launched so people were happy to have it. It was never an option from the beginning. When people start doing all of that deleting it compromises the integrity of the conversation in my opinion. Oh and people will turn on you. Consider that your first. There will be more. But the thing is, he’ll probably turn nice again. It’s a crazy cycle.
September 24, 2009 at 1:28 pm
Angela Connor
Agreed Martin! It would be a terrible policy. I believe that too much deleting compromises the integrity of the conversation as well.
September 24, 2009 at 1:48 pm
Michelle
In this case, he trashed all his posts in the forums. From what I’ve seen, GOLO is blogs, so that makes more sense there to give folks control over what is posted on their blogs. I don’t think that would work well in a forum.
Users don’t have any delete rights on my site but they can edit their own posts and there’s no time limit. What he did was go back to every one of his posts and edit it to be nonsense, which made the threads confusing. I changed it to a more neutral “Post removed by user” so it was clear what happened and he went back and changed it to stuff like “Post removed by user because this is a BS [written out] site run by someone who doesn’t have a clue how to run a site”. At that point, I decided banning him was the best for everyone. He said he was leaving, anyway, and I don’t think there’s any chance he would have become a productive user.
What a mess.
Thanks for your help,
Michelle
September 24, 2009 at 2:09 pm
Angela Connor
Believe it or not, that was great experience for you. I was going to say ban him then I kept reading and saw that you did. I’ve had people go back and forth with me pushing buttons and I always prevail. You have to send the message sometimes and you did the right move. I’ve had complete blogs written about me and my tactics and how I can’t do this or that. I see what you mean about forums. Not the same so the answers are not the same. Guess what? That guy will be back.
September 24, 2009 at 5:49 pm
Michelle
I’ve seen the abuse you go through and, frankly, it scares the bejezus out of me. I know I don’t have the temperament I need to be a good community manager. I started this site to make friends and I want to get along with everyone. In my mind, I know that’s not possible, that there are going to be jerks and I’m going to have to deal with them. But my heart is firmly entrenched in my “garden of eden” forum that has no snakes.
I do wonder if growing the site is in my best interests. A small and cozy group is less likely to have problems than a large one. Though, obviously, snakes can show up in even the smallest of gardens.
Michelle
September 24, 2009 at 5:51 pm
Michelle
Oh, forgot to mention… You’re right; he did come back. I didn’t realize IP blocking didn’t extend to anonymous posters so he used that to trash the site again. I disabled that and hopefully it will be enough. I don’t know if he’s tech savvy enough to get around the ban. I hope not. I really don’t want to be fighting a war. I just want him to go away and leave us alone.
Michelle
January 5, 2010 at 9:50 pm
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February 12, 2010 at 6:05 pm
MAx
ŧhat’ a big problem. It’s easy to post , but you cannot take back what you said
April 22, 2010 at 4:22 am
Abigail GARCIA
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July 8, 2010 at 2:37 pm
8 reasons people rarely login to news sites using Facebook « Online Community Strategist
[...] some of the archives of this blog to learn more about my this love/hate relationship in posts like: “Why did you post that comments?” “It’s never too late to start moderating comments” or “Giving up comments [...]
July 8, 2010 at 4:35 pm
SiliconANGLE — Blog — Why Don’t People Log Into My Blog with Facebook Connect?
[...] some of the archives of this blog to learn more about this love/hate relationship in posts like: “Why did you post that comments?” “It’s never too late to start moderating comments” or “Giving up comments is the wrong [...]