This is another rant from the trenches. If you’re not in the mood, perhaps you should come back to this one later. I probably received 25 emails last week from members of my community about the most petty issues.
There are times when I feel like a real babysitter and I have to tell you that before I took my vacation back in August, I was at risk of completely losing it. I found myself so caught up in what I felt at the time was my inability to reign in trolls and the sheer nonsense that was taking place within the community that I could scream. Actually I think I did scream something like “I hate these people.” I certainly don’t hate the community, but I am beginning to wonder if there is some kind of breaking point or designated period of time when it just burns you out and you need to do something else.
I’ve said many times that this is no job for the weary, and weary I am not. But tired, I am becoming. I know that not every community manager will experience this because no two communities are the same. And depending on the makeup of your community, you may never feel this way. Many members of the community I manage have no idea how bad it can really be on the internet. Some are hyper-sensitive and believe that any comment that isn’t in line with their beliefs should be marked as abuse. They meet one another offline and bring innuendo back into the community based on these meetings and expect me to intervene as if I have knowledge of what happens outside of the community.
I’ve made it very clear that I don’t want the back story and will manage the content based on what I see on the surface.
One woman told me that another member has threatened to call her job and inform them of how much time she spends interacting in the community during the day. I feel bad for her, but she’s the one who told her where she works. That is not my problem. And in all fairness it is not a reason for me to ban her because she hasn’t violated our TOS, at least not on the site. Another user is up in arms about someone implying that he is a communist and wants me to deal with it right away.
Someone else says an online foe is stalking their comments and following them around commenting on every blog they comment on. I’m also dealing with claims of what is supposedly a rogue group that targets specific members. It has gotten so bad that I had to address the issue in a blog post last week that made me feel like a middle school teacher. I swear it gets so very childish and last week really took its toll. If you ever want to see some of this for yourself, read the comments on my profile page. There are some nice comments there, but also some real doozies. Okay, I feel better already. Next week has to be better.
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October 11, 2009 at 12:33 pm
Sue John
I feel for you and can empathize. Like you, I tell them that what goes on off-community has nothing to do with the community. They choose to share aspects of their personal lives and therefore should deal with the consequences. As you so rightly say it sometimes feels like a CM is more like a referee than a CM. You have to draw the line somewhere. I hope you have a easier week ahead.
October 11, 2009 at 4:12 pm
DofC
Something similar happened to be at a previous job. I though it was related to the fact that our community centered around making money, so people would be extra difficult because of it. Not that I’m happy to hear that it happened to you, but it is a relief to know it wasn’t just me. (In my case it was after a year and a half or so.) Was what particularly difficult for me at the time was that I was going through severe personal issues (my mom had just been diagnosed with brain cancer) so any comment that was even remotely out of place felt much worse than it probably was.
In my case, I actually contacted some of our more active members and told them what was going on, not in an act to get sympathy, but as a request for help in getting everyone under control again (which worked).
October 11, 2009 at 4:13 pm
DofC
I’m sorry – it had me logged in under my private (non-community management) blog. I am Talia Klein, currently director of community at Sparkeo.com (though the comment isn’t related to my current job).
October 12, 2009 at 4:27 am
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October 12, 2009 at 7:05 am
Mr Woc
Hi there
Your post made me laugh, a laugh of recongnition !
I think there is something called community burnout lol, I feel it from time to time, at times I feel there is no one normal with any common sense using my sites.
I usually have a good rant about it too, I find it usually helps lol.
Seriously though people can be childish and take the communties far too seriously, we dont get involved in their childish arguments anymore (We have been burned before while tryign to help people in the past, its seriously not worth the hassle) I just read them the riot act, say if you continue you can go elsewhere.
Also if someone is stupid enough to give them personal details, I inform them this was a pretty supid thing to do, and let them know they could have learned an important lesson.
It might sound a pertty unsympathetic standpoint, but seriously I have tryed the caring sharing way, the empathising way and every other way of dealin with it and have found this is the best way for our site to tackle it.
Woc
October 12, 2009 at 10:05 am
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October 12, 2009 at 2:25 pm
Rosemary O'Neill
Been there, done that, got the t-shirt! I often think that one of the job requirements in a listing for community manager should be “rhino skin” (followed perhaps by a flask of something strong). It’s admirable that you care deeply enough to be emotionally upset by those behaviors; that’s actually an asset, if you can survive. When one of our community managers is feeling this way, we usually try to change perspective—step back, breathe deeply, and be at peace knowing that you can’t control anyone’s behavior but your own. Hang in there!
October 12, 2009 at 10:09 pm
Angela Connor
Thanks Sue John: I agree with you that the consequences should be their own. I don’t quite understand what it is they think we should do when they in fact, shared the info willingly.
October 12, 2009 at 10:13 pm
Angela Connor
Mr. Woc: I too have learned that the sharing, caring way cannot be used across the board. Sorry you got burned but I can absolutely see how that could happen. I need to tap into my more unsympathetic side in regard to this kind of thing. Believe it or not, I started the week with even more of it. Go figure, right?
October 12, 2009 at 10:15 pm
Angela Connor
Thanks for the words of encouragement, Rosemary. LOL @ the flask of something strong. You’re right. I cannot control their behavior. It’s just a shame that it can get so stressful.
October 21, 2009 at 10:23 pm
Tricia Smith
I totally understand! My husband and I managed an online community for almost 8 years. I found at the end that I became a babysitter and it no longer was fun. I have since left our community and in fact we have shut it down . It saddens me to have lost such an important part of our lives but in the end it was too much energy to waste on issues that had little importance in my day to day life . Looking back I can see the downward spiral that occurred as we slowly stopped putting our energy into it and then stopped managing it. That was it’s death. Managing a community is exactly what you described. You are in fact a babysitter and also a therapist at times. I can recall incidents where someone was suicidal, had a death , lost a job, etc.
October 24, 2009 at 12:31 pm
Angela Connor
Hi there Tricia: It sounds like you had some serious burnout and you know, I am beginning to wonder if there is a point when you’ve been doing it too long and need to move on to something else. I would love to talk to you further about the downward spiral and what you think you might have done differently at that point. I can definitely see how you can check out mentally especially when things don’t seem to be getting better despite your hard work and best efforts. I’m sorry that you had to shut it down.