I’ve shared stories with you about some of the ups and downs I experience as a community manager and that is one way for me to cope with it without going stir crazy. Sharing these stories is just as hepful for me as it is for you. Thank you for being a sounding board and letting me get things off my chest. It contributes to my sanity.
I am sitting on an Amtrak train at the moment heading to the University of Maryland to speak to a group of reporters, bloggers and editors at the Knight Center for Specialized Journalism on engaging the audience. I prepared a presentation with tips on engagement and a series of ideas on how they can connect in ways that will build community for themselves and their news organizations.
I am excited about it, and quite honestly I’m ready for this train ride to end because it seems as though the oxygen level is decreasing and I am a bit light-headed. Thank goodness for an air card and Pandora for streaming music from my favorite artists. But this is not the reason I’m posting. This is…..
So here I am on the train in good spirits and I decide to check my Blackberry for email messages. I see one from a member who has been upset with me for quite a while and whose communications with me have deteriorated to a serious state of rudeness and hate. I almost left it unopened because it has gotten so bad that I now forward his comments straight to our attorney.
Here is his latest:
All this goes to show that you are indeed not competent to manage the community. You have singular inability to police your own venue, one of the very tasks you were hired to perform. Many people have left after having been baited by these assholes you so lovingly call friends. So ship this to your legal department….perhaps something will finally get done about the problem you allow to fester.
I know you have a million questions to ask me about this. Is he right? Is this true? Are you playing favorites? What the heck are you doing Angela?
Let me tell you that this was once one of the top members. He contributed amazing content and was a real advocate for the community. He had been around since our launch.
But he was also a real bully at times, condescending to the point of no return and often mean to people. I received countless emails from members asking me why he was allowed to get away with murder and asking what he “had on me” that made me allow him to stay. You see, I don’t make decisions under duress, and I am fair to people even when others are against them. I take criticism for that, publicly and I accept it. It comes with the territory.
I could argue with him about what my job entails and all that he is misinformed about in terms of what my duties are but it’s pointless. I am now his target and that’s just the way it is. He needs to hate me because he was banned from the community. He isn’t the first and won’t be the last.
So, here I am–preparing to speak tomorrow on the joys of community building and engaging the audience and BAM…a “YOU SUCK AT YOUR JOB” note.
I’ll be sure to stay away from my inbox until the presentation is over.
Wish me luck!
12 comments
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December 1, 2009 at 8:54 pm
Mark O
Oh, Angela. This is literally the story of my life as a Community Manager!
My community and I are currently dealing with a particularly senseless and pervasive troll who is threatening to sue me and my company after she was finally banned for insulting me, my sexuality, my sobriety, and my personality over Twitter. (Quick backstory: She’d been suspended twice for trolling, goading users, and generally being a pretty horrible person, so this was the last straw.)
It backfired, to say the least, as she has spent a week or more harassing virtually anyone who has ever said anything to her, with the bulk of her rage driven at me. She said many of the same things: I favorite certain people (yes, I do), I am a horrible bully (I am defending myself), and I am the worst possible person to manage a community. (What.)
The thing is, I just take it in stride. IF she decides to actually sue me, I have two years worth of evidence of her trolling and misbehavior, and screenshots of all the horrible things she has said about me and my community. The worst is all the unprovoked stuff. But it happens and, like all things in the community world, you adapt and you move forward.
People may disagree with you, but that’s the sign of a good community. At least to me. Don’t listen to things framed in resentment and anger. When an opinion is honest and fair and says you are doing something wrong, that’s when you should give it the time of day.
December 2, 2009 at 12:36 am
Angela Connor
Mark!!! We are kindred spirits apparently! I know EXACTLY what you’re talking about. I think that you are smart to realize that you have all the proof of this users insane behavior and hatred that would be relevant should she attempt to sue you. You know, it’s nice that people care so much about the community but the lashing out is really uncalled for. I, like you, have accepted that it is par for the course, but that does NOT make it any easier. Let’s talk more about this in the future. Perhaps we can help eachother get through it. Thanks for sharing your story!
December 2, 2009 at 5:34 am
Jess
I’ve just come across your blog and it really hits home. I’ve been doing customer relations/support for a community-based site for the past 9 years. Throughout that time, I’ve run into numerous individuals like the one you outlined. I have an almost identical email to the one you received from two days ago. It does get frustrating. At the end of the day though, there are also hundreds of thousands of members who are fantastic and make it all worthwhile.
I’ll definitely be reading back through your other posts. You have a great writing style, Angela. Thanks for sharing your expertise.
December 2, 2009 at 8:18 am
Angela Connor
Hi Jess: I’m glad you found my blog, can relate to what I’m saying and took time to comment. Thank you for mentioning all of the other thousands of members that ARE great. You’re right about that and we do need to focus on it. I will think about that as I speak to the group. But isn’t it amazing how these individuals can put such a damper on what you do? It can be very tough and i can tell that you know all about it. Thanks for the compliments.
December 2, 2009 at 12:38 pm
Martin Reed
“I could argue with him about what my job entails and all that he is misinformed about in terms of what my duties are but it’s pointless.”
That single sentence alone proves your experience as an online community manager. You get to a point with some people where any explanations you provide are not worth your time – they won’t listen and they don’t want to. It only prolongs a conflict (which is exactly what they want).
We’ve all been there Angela – it’s tough, but at times like this we need to remind ourselves of the positive impact the community is having on the lives of the majority, rather than dwelling on the complaints of the minority.
December 2, 2009 at 1:04 pm
Rosemary O'Neill
If I had a nickel for every time a community member told me I sucked, I’d be living on an island in the South Pacific right now. My strategy for dealing with those is to share them with someone else, so they can make you laugh about it rather than letting it ruin your day. In the end, the only person whose behavior you can truly control is your own, which it seems you do beautifully as you try to “herd the cats.” By the way, are you going to post your presentation somewhere? I’d love to see it!
December 2, 2009 at 2:59 pm
Mr Woc
Hi there
Interesting reading and it was a somewhat polite complaint to the ones I tend to receive, which seem to contain lots of 4 letter words lol.
People often dont understand that its not an easy decision to ban someone, its not something community owners take any pleasure in. Its also not easy being impartial, but they would never understand that.
Often people are outspoken once you have banned them, Ive lost count the amount of times im being sued, closed down or asked if I was bullied at school lol !
Personally I would stick to your sites values and let these kind of emails wash over you, it wont be the last complaint you ever get lets face it, as its impossible to please everyone.
Woc
December 2, 2009 at 7:00 pm
Mark O
Martin,
Totally on point. There is always a point where you reach a wall with a member who is out of line, where no amount of logic or empathy or kindness will ever work. That’s when I ignore and move on, unless it becomes absolutely necessary to have some sort of conversation.
Angela, you’ve got my email. Please contact me if you ever need a brain to pick or an ear to listen!
December 2, 2009 at 7:11 pm
Jess
It’s so re-assuring reading through the comments here and realizing I’m not the only support person for a community site lol. I don’t network nearly as much as I should and occassionally, feel very alone in my experiences. No offense intended, but it’s great seeing that others are dealing with abusive members, as well lol.
December 3, 2009 at 2:08 pm
When Your Members Lash Out At You… « The SiliconANGLE
[...] Note: Cross-posted from Angela's Personal Blog -mrh] if (typeof TH_position == 'undefined'){ TH_position=0; TH_articles = new Array(); } else { [...]
December 14, 2009 at 12:27 pm
Angela Connor
Hi Jess: I’m so glad the comments have been helpful for you. It is a MUST to know that you are not alone and that others are experiencing some of the same issues. I completely understand where you’re coming from. We can often feel very alone in this job.
December 23, 2009 at 1:08 am
When disgruntled members attack « Online Community Strategist
[...] me into 2010 and end up as posts on this blog, but I think that may be wishful thinking. Remember my last story about the member who sent an email informing me about the horrible way I manage the [...]